The jokes

What the hell dam, hell dam?

What do you do after raping a deaf mute eight-year-old girl? Smash the little bitch's hands with a hammer so she can't tell her mum.

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.

Yo mama so fat, she takes up the whole bed.

When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.

Bing, bang, boom!

If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?

Yo mama so fat that when she sits around the earth, she sits around the earth.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.