The jokes
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
What's another name for cumming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher.
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
We got Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far from Home, then Spider-Man No Way Home, considering society’s current state and how shitty 2023 is, the next movie is probably gonna be Spider-Man Homosexual.
What’s another name for nutting in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher.
Why is the graveyard so noisy?
Because of all the coffin : )
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(