The jokes
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"
All Asians look the same.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
Where do alien cows come from?
- The Milky Way.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD