The jokes
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Roses are red, the grass is greener,
Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
The one by die.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock. Who's there?
The chicken...
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
And walk, walk home, and...