The jokes
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
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All records are as of March 11th, 2021.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
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Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What's the Fastest 20000 Meter Dash a Human Can Run?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
"I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple got chosen.
Why didn't the orphan go home?
Because he didn't have a home.
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.