Someone's Jokes

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . . .

What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?

They both have to stay in the kitchen.

You used to be someone’s Sunshine but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one. Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

Hey, I’m George and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, And find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans-

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple you don't.

I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair." Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year. Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry. What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? What comes after 69? Mouthwash. What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!" Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. —Pluto Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out." What's the difference between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A sex worker could wash her crack and resell it. What are the three shortest words in the English language? "Is it in?" How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? "Beat it. We're closed." A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!" What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts." What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!" What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask for directions. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? "It's not what it looks like." How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!" What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her. What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.

"I miss you- Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Teacher: Okay class look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word. Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny" Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny? Me: Cuz she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former soviet union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

What did the tower say to the other? "Man, someone's on fire today! "

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew the answer would be a comb or a piano but technically if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them they have teeth but can't chew with them

Fineman, Einstein and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says "it appears we're inside a joke".

Einstein says "but only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously".

To which Schrodinger says "if someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving".

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out don't give up all I say is I'm not giving up just I'm giving in and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out I don't think so it's probably the hardest if you ask me,or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it

stick your head up someone's butt. what do you get? a BUTTHEAD!😆😅😂🤣 "get your butt out of my face!"😆😅😂🤣 " Then get your face out of my butt!!!"😆😅😂🤣