Settlement jokes

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

Your teeth split faster than your parents' divorce settlement.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

Why don’t orphans live in villages?

Because they will get abandoned.

When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

I take debt of 25,000 euro. I spend 20,000 in charity, and 5000 euro are left. I pay the debt of 2000 euro and I have to pay now 23,000 euro to bank, and 3000 euro I have in profit, 23,000 +3000 >> 26000 ;)

Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.