Ruby jokes

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."