Pet owner jokes

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.

As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."

One man's pet is another man's dinner.

My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?

Ohhh, an owner.