Mugger jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"

A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.