Worst Jokes Ever

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HI Memes

Anonymous

A picture of John Cena smiling. Below the picture there is the text: "John Cena surprises 7-year-old boy with cancer on his birthday" and "winnipegsun.com". The caption on the post reads: "What a terrible gift."

Heroin Monkey

The 6 year old at Walmart
directing his morbidly obese
mother while she parks her
mobility scooter

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a person responding to a police officer's question. The text reads: Police: "How high are you?" Me: No officer, it's hi, how are you?

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a puppet of Ernie looking angry holding a long thin object. Below him another puppet, Bert, looks terrified. There is text below the puppets: "This is what happens to snitches!" Ernie suddenly shouted. The last thing Bert ever saw was his own blood spraying across the mirror.

Heroin Monkey

Ugandan newspaper headline says it as it is.
Night Race BBA3: Lucille Ejected
PASTOR
KIWEWEESI IN
BUM SEX
SCANDAL
ACCUSEDY
Boy Drags Flashy Man Of God To Police For
Terrorising His Buttocks With Monster Whopper
S
R
Li
PI
C
vo

Heroin Monkey

A man with dark hair wearing a red shirt with a human evolution print, brown pants and dress shoes poses holding a red laptop in his left arm, with his right arm raised and smiling mischievously. The text above the image reads "The mad scientist in his secret laboratory getting ready to press the button that makes a random person in the world shout 'where there's rain, there's bound to be mud!' And then proceed to projectile shit all over the place".

Toast ツ

The ham is in fact processed

A slab of processed ham with text describing the ham as an "unholy meat obelisk" and its processing as an "abhorrence" while also saying that it is a “declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order”.

Heroin Monkey

A tweet from BCC News shows the text "BREAKING: Following his resignation, Boris Johnson has escaped to the sea." Below this text is an image of Boris Johnson running into the ocean on a beach.

Heroin Monkey

Florida Man Bites His
Brother's Penis Off After He
Walks In On His Brother
Having Sex With His Cousin
His Favorite Dragon Ball Z
Banket
Meinedroid

Heroin Monkey

An alien with a slight smile looks at the viewer. The text above says: "me looking at the driving instructor after grabbing his 🍆 instead of the shifter".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows two panels. The first one shows an older man with a long white beard, presumably Noah, looking somewhat confused, with the text "Noah?" underneath. The second panel shows Noah with a glowing effect, as if illuminated from within, with the text "Get the boat." underneath. Above these two panels is the text: "A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear. I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward."

Heroin Monkey

A photo of actor Keanu Reeves looking slightly impatient. The text overlay reads: "Me waiting for my grandpa to stop choking so I can tell him I put a lego piece in his oatmeal."

Heroin Monkey

The image is a four panel meme, comparing math functions and social interactions. The first panel is labeled "Taking to my x" and contains a chat bubble saying "Hi, what's up". The second panel is labeled "Taking to my y" and contains the same chat bubble, but oriented vertically. The third panel is labeled "Taking to my cosin" and shows a sinusoidal wave graph with a chat bubble overlay. The fourth panel is labeled "Me and the boys getting a tan" and shows a graphic of four bird-like figures with a horizontal line below them and a chart on the left side. The last panel is labeled "Me committing arcsin" and shows a graph of a logarithmic arc. The website address boredpanda.com is at the bottom of the image.

Thoughtless

Remember when Calvin wanted to commit a school shooting?

A cartoon drawing on a sheet of notebook paper shows a boy named Calvin drawing himself in a tank. He draws himself firing the tank at a school building where kids are jumping out the window. Miss Wormwood comes to stop him. In the last panel, Calvin's teacher Miss Wormwood is shown taking a drawing from a student and making a comment about public schools.

Toast ツ

The image shows a video game inventory screen with different food items. The text at the top reads "When your mate Oatcakes is up to his wacky antics again." Below, there is a section titled "CLASSIC OATCAKES". There are three food items: "MEDLEY BAKING CO. ASSORTED BISCUITS" with the number 4, "SCHMITZ SWEET C" with the number 2, and then "classic oatcakes" with the number 7.

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Daily Mail article. The headline reads: "Young man forced to post a photo of his passport on Facebook to prove his real name is 'Phuc Dat Bich'... after his account is banned THREE times". There is a smaller picture of the young man, and a passport image with the name "Phuc Dat Bich", and the dates 03 JAN 1992, 17 SEP 2013, and 17 SEP 2023. The passport is from Australia.

Heroin Monkey

A painting of Vlad the Impaler wearing a red hat and ornate clothing, with the text "It's never too late to follow your dreams. Vlad the Impaler didn't even start impaling people until his mid-30s."

Heroin Monkey

The image is a screenshot of a 4chan post with green text on a black background. It depicts a dystopian scenario in a future where Hillary Clinton has become a supreme ruler and implemented a series of drastic measures.

Heroin Monkey

The image shows the text "Bill Gates in his billion dollar bunker watching me empty a cement truck into his only exit." Below the text is a close-up of a man with blond hair.

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