Last Will Jokes

It's said Duracell batteries are to last 75 yrs, well Stephen here you are

A kid walks in late to class, the teacher asks him "why are you late?" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake" Another kid walks in late to class and the teacher asks him "why are you late" and he replies "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake", The last kid walks in and the teacher says "why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back REMEBER MY NAME IS PEBBLES!!

last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said "what are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found

I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

What is the longest word in the English Dictionary? Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last

one day the teacher said "there are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. how many are left?" the teacher calls on lil johnny. "none" the teacher said ''no but try again'' lil johnny says " none bc if u shoot one the rest get scared and leave" the teacher said'' not quiter but i like the way you think" lil johnny then says " alr teacher i have one for you. there are 3 women sitting on a bench, ones sucking it. the other its licking it, and the last on is bitting it. witch one is married?" the teacher then says "the one sucking it ofc" lil johnny then says "no the one with the ring but i like the way you think"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.

A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . "You little bastard!"

Famous last words:

"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."

Dr. Seuss Died September 24 but that was a lie Dr. Seuss when he was 97 he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes Dr. Seuss allahuakbar”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were "Are you still holding the ladder?"