What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Last Will Jokes
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.
