I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy and he seemed disappointed so I reminded him that he has no family.
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, i said: "Hey can i borrow that?" he says "yes" me over here walking to the cashier and saying: "goodbye" he screams: "HAVE MERCY!" I say: "No not to you, to me. say goodbye" he says: "No don't shoot yourself" it was to late.
To the guy who in a wheel chair who stole my camoflauge coat u can hide bu you can run
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders Turtle soup . The waiter hollers “One Turtle Soup”. A moment later the guy calls the waiter over and says, I’ve changed my mind , I would like Pea Soup The waiter hollers “ Hold The Turtle and Make It Pea “
how it be when the new guy takes too long... hay Danny, its me Johnny. Johnny: boss says to kill the guy in red. point the gun at his head. Danny: ok target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang. Johnny: danny hope you did not get the man in red> Danny; OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
There was a guy called john
Popular guy in class - I am so funny. Me - Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing on it.
A guy sees a kid crying and the guy walkes up to the kid and asks were are your parents...God i love working at an orphanage
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.
You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.
So I bus crashes killing everyone on the bus and god feels so bad that he gives each one a wish so the first person comes up and she wants to be beautiful so god makes her beautiful and she goes into heaven next person comes up and he says I want to be beautiful as well as the last man in the back begins laughing a little so this goes on everyone becoming beautiful until god asked the last person what they want and he said I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again! so god had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted
Scratches on an icy road and kills or 50 people on the bus and when they get to heaven God feel so bad for them and grants them all one wish the first lady in the line was always worried about her looks so she wish to be beautiful and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to want to wish about so he also wish to be beautiful but this keep on going but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh when he got to God he said God says what’s what is your one wish my son I wish you can make them all ugly again
What do you call a guy in a well chair that walks into a fire
Hot weels
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit. Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist
what do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
a baked potato
Some guy asked me are you better then my meat, I said no im not better, i just beat it all the time
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ
LGBBQ
