DoS jokes
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
So, Duracell batteries do run out.
The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?
Overcharge himself.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call an animal underground? A fossil.
My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I answered, "Happy."
The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
What do you call a fat midget?
A pig.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!