Do jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Esteban.
Esteban who?
If you do not open the door, Esteban you!
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Where do whales get weighed?
The whaleway station.
Bants ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahashahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
What do Doges like? Memes.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!