Do jokes
One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"
What do cows call money?
Moola.
What do you call a hill with cows on it?
A Moo-ntain.
What do you do when you made a misteak?
You do some yoga 🧘♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
If you're bored, hump Danny and fuck him. What is he, goons do fuck rock?
What do you sing on a dead person's birthday?
"Happy Death-Day To You!"
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
What do you call a Censor with Autism?
A Censorspaz.
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!