Conflict resolution jokes

No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?

All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(

My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

What is it about sisters who argue?

I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.