Proof of Identity

ok

Got really tired of comments

were you eating

blod

blood

also i threw up

can you help

No I can’t help. And the blood is fake

can you talk to me

maybe

be authentic. break into a blood bank.

Yeah I can talk about what?

anythinf

so i don’t

do something

how was your day

Pretty good. You?

not really

but it’s not that bad

what’s your favorite song

I really love alien blues or baby hotline

baby hotline is a banger

do you like jack stauber

Yeah. Have you seen opal?

yeah

it’s amazing

It is

i get what she feels like

Oh yeah?

the whole

dissociation

to feel better

i do that

Oh Amy I’m sorry

the mindset I like is “oh well”

it’s ok. i’m sorry i was a dick to you.

thats a great ass mindset

you know who else has a great ass

your mom

fr like it makes things so much less complicated

You don’t have to apologize for anything

Hey I know that seems easier but we all know it’s just worse

cute glasses

cute face

your mother has

i like ur smile

YOU might think that but I don’t. it’s a healthy mindset for me and got rid of depression lmfao

Me?

i don’t think you can ever get rid of depression

it just stays with you

it gets better sometikes

but eventually

Ok I didn’t have all of the information my apologies

it consumes you

better phrase is I’ve stopped relapsing

ye i’m proud of you

Buuut you also never stop clapping

I remember how depression feels but I don’t feel that way anymore

so drinking doesn’t work apparently

ur good

Hi wade

but cutting does

No not really

so i’ll be fine

ye kinda

you focus the pain somewhere else

Please let me try to help you amy

the scars tho 😭✋

they fade.

how dare u ignore my compliments

fade but for me there’s still some texture

sometimes

the nerve endings get destroyed

and you have to wait

Tf happening rn

until you can feel it again

Therapy….I’m a therapist now

idk have a pregnant man 🫄

Who’s the client?

ok bye

all

ITS FINE THO CAUSE HOODIES ALL YEAR ROUND

no

stay

No thanks

BYE CHEXY WEXY ILY

bearded lady 🧔‍♀️

im going back to sleep i cant stop throwing uo

Amy

Why

ARE U AS DRUNK AS AMY???

no don’t tell him he’ll make fun of me

no i cant eat

It’s ok Amy it’s gonna be ok. Is uwu better?

GIRL FEEL BETTER SOON HOPEFILLY

i hope so too

i gtg

bye guys

i lost like 3 pounds

Girl please eat :( try to eat sumthin

i’ll come on if toast does maybe

Well ima dip this got boring

bye amy

ok

bye bye

bye chex, try to eat something, or just stay hydrated

its no use if i throw up

follow the BRAT

merhod

i could only drink water

but ill try

i gtg now too

ill take a nap

bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast

thansk amy love ya

ok stay safe ily

<3

<33

damn we’re all kinda just fucked up ain’t we

Eh

don’t eh me

Oh..well that’s fair, I suppose. I hope you feel better. ^^

most of us are

I can eh you if I want

Eh

ok

Honestly yeah

eh

Ehhhh~

wade

i don’t tell you this enough

AAAEWWEEHH~

No

but you’re a good friend

NO

GUYS my mom went to my roomand she ACTUALLY FUCKING KNOCKED FIRST

AUUUUUUUUWEEEEH~

congratulations

MY MOM NEVER KNOCKS

NOOOOO

Awwwww! You too! <3

I KNOW I WAS SO SHOCKED

I WOULD DIE, RIGHT THERE

AUUUUUUUEWWWWWH~

BOY IMA SLAP YOU- NO

Be gentle with me…I’m fragile..

💀💀💀😭

Noooo

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEHHH~

NOOOOOOO

EWWW HIDIOUS YOU LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON TO TORTURE COCKROACHES BY TAPING THEM TO YOUR ASS AND RIPPING A NASTY ASS FART.

I'D KILL MYSELF IF I LOOKED LIKE YOU

Aww wade. that made me laugh

Damn

NO OFFENSE

Offense taken

BAHAHA

What’s popping

Pills

So many things

SENSISTIVE MF

<3

Awwwwwwww~

ALL OF YOUR POSTS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS IS ABOUT WADE

I THINK YOU GOT A CRUSH ON HIM

I’m very popular with the ladies

As am I

No stop it right neow

*MIDDLESCHOOL TEENS WHO ARE GEEKY

We’re the rizzlords of WJE

are you sure.

Neoow~

Facts tho

Your something else man

Lmao I’ll stop now

Or will I?

Thank god

NO

YES

Being depressed right after waking up with Christmas music playing is a different vibe and I don’t know how to explain it

I WILL SMACK YOU ACROSS THE FACE NO

We’ve already discussed this. I don’t want to fuck Wade. Wade doesn’t want to fuck me aand it’s impossible to fuck through a screen

LMFAO

How does one accomplish that

I dont know

Be gentle with me

relationships arent js fucking you silly goose

IDGAF, YOU PROLLY WILL START SEXTING

I woke up and my house was entirely Christmas-ifiee

*ified

exactly.

FOR REAL

jake i think we might be the same person

STOOOPPPPPPP

why are you listening to christmas music before thanksgivong

fucking weirdo

because

Wade help me out here

Because my parents are lunatics

stop gatekeeping

Same

SIARRA IS DOWNBAD, I MEAN ONE LOOK AT HER EXPLAINS IT

What am I making you uncomfortable?

my music

AMENEIEBENDNE

if i want to listen to rocking around the christmas tree

Hehehehehehehehh~

i will

WHAT YOU'RE GONNA START SUCKING WADE'S DICK TO GET ME OFF?

cause it’s heat

W song

yes

also i threw up

I charge $3

How much did you drink amy

to get rid of the alcohol

Depends how much piss was in the toilet after I left

WHAT THE FUCK

Your embarrassing 💀💀

That’s pretty cheap

Brb

for the privilege of sucking yiur dick?

*you’re

ummmmm actually its youre

Obviously

Stfu I’m dyslexic

Kinky

kaide

WADE SHOULD BE PAYING

real

no

Fine fine

even realer

Maybe

Ong?

can i have the discount

Fr?

No, no

Why would I pay someone to duck my dick when they can pay me?

Fair

Maybe, possibly

No, never

Yes, immediately

I had to read that like five times before understanding

Naur, Nevah

YES

What if I bought you a gold fish?

Shoulda started with that

BECAUSE WHAT IF THEY'RE A WHORE WHO WILL DO THE JOB NICLEY

….why didn’t ya say so!?

Damn, I’m a woman so I don’t understand 💃

Heh

💀💀💀💀

kaidd

kaide

YORURE JUST UPSET THAT YOU COULDNT PAY SOMEONE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD TO SUCK YOU OFF

Suck what off? You’d can’t suck something that’s nonexistent.

Jit I’ll do it for $30, Vbucks, a car, and a 1000 robux

Ong

Deal lmfao

Great, now suck my dick

If you insist

Damn, that was so forward

(I’m in stitches writing this)

YES PLEASE

I can go from the front and back, up to you

You have to come

BUT IS IT FOR FREE?

Same. I’m so sorry

💀💀💀💀

Yes

OK BET

FOR FREESIES?

Yes

Bet

yall need jesus

Ok wait so now we all gonna suck wade off or?

Jesus is my Daddy…literally. I’m Catholic.

Yes

Bet

NO JUST YOU

Quadsome?

HEY MORE FOR ME THEN

can we all suck wade

WAIT IF DEADPOOL CAN REGENERATE ANYTHING

Save sum for me

WADE CAN CUT OFF HIS DICK

Yes, then regrow it

ABEJEIRNRBEIEB

WADE'S DICKS FOR EVERYONE!

Like a popsicle

LETS GI

Yes daddy

Wait..I DONT WANNA CUT OFF MY DICK

ITS TOO LATE

ITS BETTER STILL ATTACHED ANYWAYS

Wait that means I gotta cut it off and regrow it..1..2..4 times!?

Yep

…why not just take turns..?

Bet

Phew..

no

You got lucky

i want my own dick

How's NNN going for u wade?

This time

They all wanna suck my dick..

WE DO

Who doesn't?

Wait you’re turn..I’m not gonna cut off my dick and regrow it 5 times

Yeah

True

:(

Use it wisely

Also that just means ur sucking a dildo, it ain’t even attached to my body

YES

Np, my man

Nipple*

I CALL FIRST SUCK (wade I’m so sorry about this we’re all dying)

There’s 10 people online and 8 of the 10 are reading this.

WADE

Big brain idea

Waht

8 out of 10 of us wanna suck you off

You cut off your head so your head grows back on one body and a body grows back to your head

Duplication glitch

Then there dick for everyone

O

Damn

HMmMmMmM

I'll draw a diagram if you dont get it

Doesn’t work like that sadly, otherwise there’d me like….10 Deadpool’s

Facts

Don’t worry I get it, it just doesn’t work

This is the weirdest thing the English language has been used for

Why won't it? You have regrowth right?

In theory it should work

LNFAO I JUST TOOK A PICTURE OF MYSELF AND MY SISTER SAID “eew..you look like a dyslexic dysmorphic rat”

I’m hurt 💀💀💀

Send it

No

Why did you take it then?

But fine

Yes I get it

Are we still on the dick sucking topic

Why won't it work tho?

Yes

They wanna suck my dick.

Okay

And wade doesn't like my duplication theory

Because I can’t make duplicates of myself, there’s only one me

Insta

Split down the middle

Only kind of

Ohh right

But I regrow as one person not two

Says who

Says….uh

Exactly

Jake this is how I explained it

Rob Lienfeld

Rob Liefeld

Wait so like whatever gets cut off is just course parts

Deadpool can completely regenerate from a single cell. Any cell. The real problem is that he can only have one active brain at a time. Each of his cells could have a network to facilitate this, but whatever.

The point is, if even ONE of Deadpool’s cells is alive, he can regenerate completely.

Complete incineration is the only way. A grenade won’t do the trick. The minimum would be a missile that can level a few city blocks, or extensive use of flamethrowers.

That’s the easy part. The problem is that with all the injuries that he has suffered, Deadpool’s blood is literally everywhere. It’s more than likely that some of his cells ended up in a hospitable environment. He even could have several test tubes of it scattered around the hospitals of the world for this very reason. The moment I completely incinerate Deadpool, one set of his cells will activate and create another him. He will not think much of this.

Here’s where things get even trickier. I have no knowledge of Deadpool’s location. If he does something loud and public, I will once again be able to turn him to ash, and the rest of his scattered cells in the area (from the incident he caused) would have to be located and destroyed. One test tube down, 100 to go.

Now Deadpool will begin to get suspicious. His body has been completely destroyed twice. If he stores away more blood samples, its trouble.

This is where I take advantage of his nervousness. I use 90% of my funding to locate him as soon as possible. I get there, try to incinerate him, and fail on purpose. But as he is escaping, I make sure to subject him to significant (but not lethal) amounts of nuclear radiation. He survives and escapes.

Now, his body is irradiated, and so is his blood, which makes tracking both fairly easy. Every sample can now be traced, and the residue from his fights can be sterilized immediately. I wait for him to leave behind a few samples, and then I completely incinerate him once again, and he will be born once more.

He is now more secure that he has more spares, but I still have to find him once more. I find him and irradiate him once more. Again, he will leave traceable blood samples, all of which will be monitored. Should he regenerate from one of the irradiated blood samples, I can track him with ease, and destroy him a few days later so as to not arouse suspicion.

But since his normal cells are healthier, there will be a higher probability of him using those to regenerate. So, one by one, I will destroy his stock of untraceable cells, and when those are finally all gone, I will execute order 66 and have all of Deadpool’s remaining cells destroyed simultaneously. (All of which can be tracked by a common Geiger counter.)

By some miracle, should Deadpool have one more clean cell left to regenerate from after that, I would have no choice but to simply Ground Zero the area where he respawned, to destroy every last cell of his.

https://screenrant.com/if-deadpool-was-cut-in-half-would-two-grow-back/

Idk if that has anything to do with this but I found it on a quora post and it seems cool

smart

I think this proves my point

Not really, Madcap is a person, that was shoved into Deadpool’s mind, so when DP was split in half, Madcap was able to get out and grow back

Ohh right

It’s more complicated but that’s the main bits

https://screenrant.com/if-deadpool-was-cut-in-half-would-two-grow-back/

Work sucks

No

What job you got?

We suck

Wade

YESSS

Anyway

Damn nobody did the blink 182 reference but that’s okay

Imma gor for rn

Alr

i did

Will be back tho probably

Cya

Cya

Nah but you didn’t say the thing amy

i know

“I always CUM back”

She left me roses by the stairs

surprises let me know she cares

Thank you

That made my day slightly better

Ok question. Wade around the holidays is you’re cum like….peppermint or eggnog flavored

Welp gotta go

Cya guys

you’re welcome

Peppermint

bye jakeypoo

Cya Jakey

Cya Wadey

uh

Alr well I’m not horny anymore, so no dick sucks

YOU DIDNT SAY BYE TO ME

You got me. I’m in

BITCH