Anyone wanna talk?

hi

Hi mom

hru

struggling a little bit but nothign i cant get through

i wish i brought more colors options for markers

damn

but i think diffrent shades of pink will be fine

thats good

yay

sorry i was talking to my family

thats ok

i did bubble braids

oooo

and the rubber bands where so thick

its toture taking em out rn

mal what branch of chirstnaty are you?

protestant

my grandma's gonna get a new cat

idk this one

mines apastolic penacostal

oo

how do you not know what the protestant church is

i only know mine

and one other

ill brb

im a plain ass chabadnik Ashkenazi conservative jew

oki

kk

thats alota words

i just needed to be reminedded

baptsit

shush

al;l the woman at my chrch

wear long skirts

all the time

baptist is a protestant denomination

and all of christianity is a subsect of judaism

i like speaking in tounges

it sounds funny

tounges

my church is baptist

i watches someone get the holy ghost for the first time today and i was sobbing

it was beautfuil

oh

um

what

i personally don't align with that stuff but uh

ye

oh im sorry

its fine

god speaks all languages

i belvie in it

i always have

and i know you dont belvie

but i belvie i got it and

ive flet lighter senese

so if thats how you want to worship him, go ahead

well

the holy ghost isnt how we worhsip him

he how he takes over us

thats good

idk how to explina that

but its him filling us with his spirit

mhm

momma i wanna take you to my church

do you guys pray before service?

like at the alter

the pastor does

not everyone but majorty of our church

will sit in the pews of come to the later and pray

or*

oo

thats interesting

my synagogue does it rlly differently

like well like

kneel down or smthin

and like

or pace

and pray outloud

huh

like thanking the lord praying for the holy ghost to move throughout the service

praying for the ceramony

or just talking about there life

kinda ust praying about anyhting

oo

mu synagogue has a very different style

my

we also

pray after service

but like after service mostly

people will pray for others

like sister destiny will come to me put her hand on my shoulder and just pray

and sometimes a bucnh of poeple pray for one person

huh

i enjoy it

i pray for a lot of people

my synagogue's sabbath services are rlly structured

people yell during our services

like the pastor will say smthin

nd someone will should amen or hallualeiugh

or "prech it" or "come on"

or sometimes we will calp

clap

like we start with prayers, do a few standing prayers, then someone reads from the torah and then the haftarah (the books after the five books of moses), another standing prayer, mourners kadish, and some hymns

no offedne

but i dont understand jews

like not as in "they are weird" but as in

i just dont understand

its not somethng i was ever intoducited to

like our services?

i just dont understand how it works

any of it

like the why?

the servies the strucle the why any of it really

the religion

i just dont understand it

because its what we've been doing for thousands of years

we're one of the oldest religions that still stands

oh

but

do people feel it?

I guess there is an effect similar

especially after we fast on the holiest day, Yom Kippur (day of atonement)

ohh

my pastor talks about fasting

i dont understand why peole starve themselves

is it like ascrifce?

it's not starving ourselves.

oh?

fasting in judaism is not to starve but rather clear the mind and body of distractions so we can be closer to him

yom kippur is about freeing ourselves as a people from the sins we committed, but also to remind ourselves of our position as His people

i think for us

my pastor said

we fast

because of

sacrifice

it also teaches us that the only way we can purify ourselves in His eyes is through repentance, charity and prayer

i see

I disagree with that

hey dont

like

jump to anything, i dont know anyhting about fasting, thats just i think im makign connections

it may have nothing to do with it

that's fine

curiosity and asking questions is taught under judaism

oh

i dont understnad a bunch of my religion

thats why i want to focous on it

blindly following something is akin to idolatry.

like focous of god and church and family (freinds too)

that's important

and no romatci realtionships, no drama (if i can avoid it) nothing but those three

i broke up with betnyl

and to be hoenst theres this guy ive been liking

and hes religious

but not in the same bracnh as me

but hes fixin to change

that's fine

to it

so desinty (youth pastors wife)

if going to find him a church

i hope

there is no reason to change

he wants to

im not demandign this of him

because of you or because of the church?

i told him that if hes going to switch it cant be beacause of me

it has to be for him and for god

and he said he will do it for himself

and to be fair

i told him i dont want to date right now

and he said thats fine

and im not telling him this so things dont get rushed, i wont date him until i meet him irl (if he goes to the same brach as me we do youth rallys in other states so itll happen sooner than like when were adults prolly)

and until he gets the holy ghost (or he belives/I belive he dose)

sorry im not trying to like say things you dont belive in

its fine

if i say something and you dont want me to just tell me to stop

while i personally don't believe in conversion unless its directly because of what you came to believe, its fine

whats conversion

ok i dont undesrtand that whole sentacne

idk

OMG COSMO

COSMOMSOSMCOMOCMOMOMOSMCOMS

DADDD

DADADADAD

DADADADD

OMFG

yeah?

DAD

OMFG

what

the guy i was just tlaking about

yeah?

is he 16 or 17?

hes 17

ive seen what he looks like

2 yrs a good age

and ive called him

mutiple times

how far does he live from you?

and i wont give him my adress

SO FAR

TENESEEE

...

whut

i will meet him at the church, and thats it

mk

unless theres a youth rally then ill inivte him

im begging him to come this sunday

ooo

omg mal

pray for this to happen

(ill be safe, i told him we meet and ONLY hang out at church, he dosnet ride home with me, OR take me home)

or pick me up

so bascially he wont get my adress

and church will be safe

ill awlays be by an adulty

so that were for sure safe

thats good

he works at mc donalds

so im guessing that they are flexiable

he said if its just a few days he will sleep in his car because hes 17 and unless he brings is flatmate he cant get a hotel

im begging him to tell them he has covid and take sick days for me

damn

damnnn

its not that far

like it is ofc

but it could be further!

true

i really really really really really really really really really really eally really really really really really really really really really hope he can come this sunday

Oh.

what?

cosmo

i promise

Hm?

he will not ride home or bring me home or pick me up from or to my house

i will not meet or see him outside of church (unless people are hanging out like righ outside the church)

Okay

and i will not i mean i will not be alone with him what so ever

That's good.

if we are left alone i will go find sister destiny or sister lamb

or the youth kids

i promise

Okay

i know meeting people you met offline isnt a good diea

idea

but im bringing him to place i feel safest at

he will meet me at the church

You have done that

As i remember one time

and i will have one of the like adult males keep him there atleast 10 mintues afeter i leave (i live 3 mintues away from the church)

Okay

i will make sure its safe

for me

Mhm

That's good

Much better than a year ago

yeah but a year ago

i was doing these things because i felt i had nothing to live for

you knew i said it

i dont care if i live or die

the horrible things these people can do

i didnt care

but now i care

and i like this guy

hes religous

and hes so sweet

and we want the same things

and im inviting him to my church

afetr he comes to my church 5 times (not counting tuesday night prayer) i will consider hanging out with him outside of church, but itll start with things like, inviting him to my house, or hanging out in the libary, just somewhere public.

or somewhere safe

ill prolly do my house alst

last

i promise ill take purcotions

Okay

That's good

yay

im so excited

Lol

im happy

if i wehre to meet you or mal id be 48713871309587 times happier

At least you don't wanna get railed by a twenty-something year old dweeb anymore

i dont wanna get railed by anyones unless its my husband

after hes my husband

That's good

yayayay

Hehe

You've really improved Charlie

im glad

Proud of you

Genuinely

Your mental health is actually so much better now

Ugh I'm so tired

N i rlly miss jomoki

oh

that reminds me

cosmo so

we gotta talk

Yeah?

im not being rude at all well not trying to

im not tryna make you feel bad or anything

but i read theses chats on wje

Okay

and youve been joking a little to harshly

like yeah we all joke

but lately youve been taking it a stept further

About what?

like the thing about dance moms

That's how i usually joke with mal

i know

but you also joke meanily about jomki

and i see how shes reactin

and im seeing it as

she isnt taking it as she did before

because maybe you said one thing that act offended her

and then the normal jokes hit harder and less of a joke

like im just saying off hoe she reacts idk im not speaking for her

im jsut saiyng in my opion

yknow what i mean

Yeah

now dont feel upset

im sorry if i was being rude

but i dindnt want it to be a problem in the future

I'm not upset.

oki

i js dont usually talk to you about these things so idk how you react

All's chill between mal and i

rember at the start

of that prank

how i had a few full blown panic attacks because i love both of yall and yall "got togheter"

I don't mid the criticism

Mind

i dont mean it badly

but i was freaking out

yknow that one

or like when i found out

i was really scared

that

if seomthign happend it would end up like madi and jake, one or both leaveing, mal and jake, one leaving, i was so scared to lose yall

Yeah.

i remember that

and i dont know or speak for you, but im gonna assume if mal started yelling at you and

got mad at you

that you might leave or take a break

I kinda felt guilty that i was misleading you

to give her space

my biggest fear is wje falling apart

losing one of yall

so im gonna look so deeply into everything

look at every detail i can find

and mal said

something like

"wtf is wrong with you"

or smthin like that

i couldnt tell if she was offended, orjoking

or idk

just please dont leave me

parker keeps telling me yall will leave

please.

i dont like change

and idk what id do without yall

anyways do you want to meet the guy im tryna meet irll

i told him to get on ehre i need to send a link to a calll

ill do my best

like i udnerstand

youll go to collage get a job

but just dont leave forever

atleast come back one day

ill try

ok

.

doing that in my notebook

oo

for 10 pages

thats cool