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if you like the game "Obey me! Shall we date?" you're my new favorite person.

I am a registered sex offender, I stuck my dick into blender

Your mom is a trangender

And I am a professional nude sender.

I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. fucking damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realize Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid tiny fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god.

Shower thoughts. U know u have serious acne when blind people try to read ur face-As a kid my parents taught me to not believe everything I see on TV, now I have to teach them to not believe everything they see on Facebook-Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969β€” Vehicles today can surf the web, link to your phone, stream music and videos, etc.. but they still can't perform a simple database lookup to tell you what the check engine light is on for.-If you run at 11pm you are a night person. If you run at 5am you are a morning person. If you run at 3am you are a suspicious person

Hey guys, i ́m at the library right now, my parents think i ́m studing, but i ́m not. I have some sad news. My parents are going to divorce. It ́s not because of this, but because of something else happening right now.

That new Hailey Acc is obvously fake.Shes racist and freaks out in every Sentence.Cant be real,right?This Account is worse than my Autism,that fake Hailey needs to be stopped,hope she gets banned soon,cuz she makes way too much trouble.

My high school team won state championships, so we got friday off for free!

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

What happened: My mom found out about the website so i made a new account on my ipad! I also got caitlyn in trouble but I missed you guys so much!! Caitlyn says hi!

Im gonna fucking kms, why? THIS- bro im crying rn (not as a joke) here is the email I sent my mom

Uhm, remember when I gave your number to my friend? so when I pass my classes I can go over to their house? They had their number in their backpack pocket, and they were like "ADDISON IM GONNA CALL YOUR MOM" I freaked out, and I don't wanna get in trouble, so I'm apologizing now, instead of waiting until get home, and they called you about planned pregnancy, and I took the phone out of their hands and tried hanging up, but it didn't work, and I'm sorry. please don't me mad.

and I'm crying so hard rn ima kms

Everywhere I go I bring the chaos Just a little extra, that's a payoff Seven days a week, oh, never take a day off Slip daddy don't, I-I-I, oh Everywhere I go I bring the drama Blame it on my ego or your karma I know that you love it, I know that is your nirvana Slip daddy don't, I-I-I, oh Trouble is a puppy and I keep her close That bitch follow everywhere I go Keep you up on your tippy, tippy toes What's the foreca… Read more