And jokes

What did Charizard say to Arceus? "Knife to meet you, literally. I got you out of Pokémon Sword and Shield!"

What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.

What is the difference between a magic house 🏠 and a human?

A magic house 🏡 can fly, but a human cannot fly.

What is the difference between a human and a can?

A human can walk and a can cannot walk.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

  • 1

    • What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?

    Time to get in trouble!

    What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.

    What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

    You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

    What is black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

    Three zebras fighting over a pickle.