And jokes
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
What is the difference between a car and a tree?
A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.
Why do people say "cheese" when they are taking a photo?
Because they were using the computer and thought about it.
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?
Then you get the name Chrisa.
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells!"
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.