And jokes

What is the difference between a tree 🌳 and a car 🚘?

A car can drive and a tree cannot drive.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.

What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.

What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.

Why did the man say chickens were lucky?

Because they get killed and eaten.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.

What is the difference between a human and a magic car 🚗?

A magic car can fly, and a house 🏡 cannot fly.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

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    • What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?

    I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

    What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

    When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

    A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

    Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

    Friend: Are you okay?

    Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!