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And jokes

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Do this on a calculator.

There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he'll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

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    • What is the difference between a tree 🌳 and a car 🚘?

    A car can drive and a tree cannot drive.

    What's the difference between acne and a priest?

    Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.

    I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

    I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

    The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

    Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

    That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

    Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

    Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

    But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

    I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

    There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

    What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.

    What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.

    What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.

    Why did the man say chickens were lucky?

    Because they get killed and eaten.

    An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"