And jokes

A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?

He doesn’t have legs.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Why did Hitler lose the war?

Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!

You dropped your toilet paper, right? You want to pick it up, but you can't because you have poop in your butt and it scwoshd! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Think about you are so fucking high that you are walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.

I love my dog and all dogs.

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?

Puberty waits for the blow up.