And jokes
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What's white and rhymes with Dre? Eminem.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?
The tap can run.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
What's hot and hard?
Me when I look at children.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.
Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.