All jokes

Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

Why is Jenna Marbles so funny? She lost all her marbles.

Beauty is only skin deep... but ugly goes all the way to the bone!

Why are handicap signs blue?

Because they're all Crips.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.

You're so ugly, your class searched up Godfrey Baguma and all called out your name!

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

"Kylin milks me all day like I'm a cow."

I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.

What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?

He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?

Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

All these jokes are all plane.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!