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You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

What's white, black, and red all over?

A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

  • 2

    • I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!

    Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead, so are you.

    (I have no friends because all of my friends play Fortgay, just like my friends all of them are gay.)

    Police: Where do you live?

    Me: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live?

    Me: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live?

    Me: Together.

    Police: Where is your house?

    Me: Next to my neighbor's house.

    Police: Where is your neighbor's house?

    Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

    Police: Tell me.

    Me: Next to my house.

    Police: *Arrests me*

    A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

    The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

    After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

    The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

    My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

    Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

    Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

    My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

    Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

    A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

    There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

    There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

    There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

    There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

    Then it all happened.

    The fly dropped six inches.

    The fish came up and caught the fly.

    The bear came out and caught the fish.

    The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

    The mouse went for the sandwich.

    The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

    The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

  • 4

    • What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?

    The dry bear.

    Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.

    Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)

    Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).

    Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...

    What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?

    Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

    The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

    The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

    The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

    You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

    A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

    After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

    The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

    The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

    "Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

    The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

    "What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

    "I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

    "Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

    "I was on top!"

    All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

    "Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

    "I'm having puppies!"