Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
welcome to hell
I like video games, books, and writing. (Drawing too I guess) I’m simple. I’m quiet. I have a lot of jokes to tell. And I fucking love to call people names.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Didja hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint? My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
I started crying when dad started cutting onions. Onions was a good dog.
Orphans eat their cereal with water cause their dad never came back with the milk.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Ur forehead’s so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody nose
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”
Who knows? Maybe the end of the world will be made in China too.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms. I can do anything u normal people can do. Me: 🎵If you’re happy and u know it clap ur hands! 🎶
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.