Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
Vegetative Whore
Incest.
When your genealogy chart is a straight line.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
You really put the R in special.
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?
A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?
A. May your baby rest in pieces.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.