You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Thoughtless
Official grammar nazi of WJE!!!
Life Tips:
-The more you drive drunk, the better you get at it!
-Rehab is for quitters! Don't be a quitter.
-If you're bullied for being a quiet kid, teach them a lesson.
-Eat toilet paper so it wipes on the way out.
MORE COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"
"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.
"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"
"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"
Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
In life, some people have it harder than others.
That's why Viagra exists.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
