Thoughtless

You do 1 line, you're not a crack head You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic But I murder 1 person...

Why do strippers never care about things?

Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for 20$ an hour.

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck

In life, some people have it harder than others. Thats why Viagra exists.

Q: What do gay horses say?

A: Geigh!!!

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

People ask me, are you an organ donor?

"Yeah, over my dead body."

A Son walks up to his Dad and says "I'm so gay right now! "HOW COULD YOU, I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" Screams the Dad. "No, Gay as in HAPPY" Says the confused Son,"I'm so happy right now!" "Oh" says the Dad, "Why are you happy?" Then the Son said "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off"

What do you call someone who is half a jew? Jew - ish

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it! (shit joke, I know)

When can an elephant us an umbrella and not get wet?

When it's not raining.

A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that. "new around here?" said the bartender "nah, been here awile" said the robot Bartender "you can talk?" robot "yeah, pretty cool huh." bartender "why do you want a martini" robot "oh, i'm just in the mood for one, you know?" The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk. The robot seems to be just like a normal human, "wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender "the top minds in the world." said the robot. The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..." Bartender, "what?" "Why did you read this entire story, it does not have a punchline, I just wasted your time, Get bamboozled nerd!"

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . . .

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.