About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
What do Black people and chains have in common? Both work better with chains on them?
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How do you know Adam and Eve were White?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it’s an assault rifle
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.