Shower thoughts

What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

What is the best Catholic dating app?

Grinder.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.