shaylie lol

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

like if u dont have a dad

My cousin called me ugly.

Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.

dad

biden

the stigg is a joke

Omnom.

When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.

The Stiggs life is a joke. Wait, I forgot, he doesn't have a life.

Some say under his helmet is another smaller helmet, and under that is another helmet, and under that is a poster of Miley Cyrus.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

The Stigg and his fake ass life.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.