GG Miller

Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.

They’re always so twisted!

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.

Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.

Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn't wave back.

"What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?" "A meltdown."