"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
GG Miller
This is the Polo Gang..
Just posting corny dad jokes.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
What’s the different between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."