Daddy dick

Why can't orphans be gay? They don't have a closet to come from.

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.