What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sour puss.
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
What does cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do? Bored games.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit scucide. (YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
What has 2 arms but no legs? A crippled women with no more meaning in her life.
