Won't Jokes

Why can’t orphans be married

Because they won’t have their parents blessings

Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball? They are afraid the won't find home.

Your mama is so ugly! Ghost face from scream won't even make that call!

What ya call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick

Landing on it's feet won't help a cat in China...

Why do orphans get confused what ancient Egypt because he won’t know what a mummy is

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide because you won’t bring back afterwards

From your Dad I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line

Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says f*** no you won’t return it

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

Y'all I'm suspended till wendsday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till wendsday or after

I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"

yo mama so ugly

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask

I rang my boss and said I’m really sick I won’t be coming into work, my boss said Davo your sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now? I replied well I’m in bed with my sister!

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider transMEN as men which is rather confusing to me. As a Jew I don’t know very much about Christianity but from what I’ve heard- don’t priests love little boys?