All these jokes are so offensive Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? Then won't you slap my face, because I'm bad.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide” The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS? If you stop giving money to a church you won't go to prison
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
Most states:
"It's ok, it won't be awkward. We're still friends."
Alabama:
"She didn't wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she'll still be my sister."
Don't criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
