Wont jokes

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colors...

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.