William Shakespeare jokes

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.