Theses jokes

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"There's a great singer inside of you."

These Afghanistan people suck at Jenga.

These 9/11 jokes just don’t land.

These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!

These are as weak as the towers.

Why are these jokes bad?

They're literally the worst jokes ever.

Do you know Biden?

Biden on these nuts.

Man, I miss Savor, savor these balls in ya mouth!

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

Wow, these cow jokes are moo-amazing!