The jokes

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

Bob the builder.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.

It couldn't answer.

What did the fork say to the spoon?

Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!

Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.

I made a website for orphans.

Silly me, I forgot the home page.

Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.

Wanda: Ok, Timmy.

Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!

Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.

*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

What the when what yeah what yeah then uh huh?

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?

The elevator can raise a family.