The jokes
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
We have invented the spade! This is groundbreaking!
Why did the cow eat?
Because it was hungry.
What did the knight say when he went to bed?
"Good Knight!" lul
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress up as the altar boy.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
What’s the cow's favorite place to go? The moovies!
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.