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So jokes

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

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    • Dad: How was your trip to the park?

    Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

    Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

    Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

    Dad: Oh God, what next?

    Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

    Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

    How did the toilet react when it received a gift?

    That was so pot full (thoughtful)!

    Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

    A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

    A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

    Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

    Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

    Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

    Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.