So jokes

One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.

Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your mama is so slow, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.