Pessimist jokes
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What do you call a booty that’s always negative?
A pessimist-cheek.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
"Rehab's for quitters, and I don't give up."
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.