Oneself jokes

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

you.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."

Myself.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.